Okay okay, I know the title just sounds stupid, but it’s true. Manifestation really just comes down to making your delusions come to life, and I made mine all possible. Lemme explain : one and a half years ago I was laying in my bed on NYE, January First, 2023. And I was deeply unhappy. I was broke, in an unhealthy relationship, jobless, and incredibly angry. The feelings of hate and spite and anger literally bubbled under my skin, and I am not normally an angry person. Up until that point, I was taking those emotions that were bubbled up inside, and projecting them to the outside of my life. It was a cycle. Imagine a flow chart – I was unhappy – When outside, I saw unhappy things – Those events confirmed I was right in my unhappiness – I stayed unhappy. It was the Law of Attraction in full affect, I only saw what my mind was telling me to look out for. And I was so wrapped up in it all, it took me a long while before I was able to step back and see what I was doing to myself. 

The more unjust things happened, the more I knew I was right, and I was stuck in this unlucky and unhealthy life, with no idea what to do. New Years Eve, I came up with a plan. It kinda just clicked that you can really be and have whatever you want if you’re delusional enough, so I started to believe in what I wanted. There was a list, and a way : 

The future of Caitlin wanted :

1. A dream job

At this point, I was jobless, and the last position I had, I was able to hold down for maybe a month before I was fired because we all (owner of company and myself) found out that the Head of Sales only hired me because he wanted to sleep with me. (news flash to him when he found out I was gay). After that terribly difficult month working under an incompetent ego-fueled person, I spent the last two months of 2022 passing interview after interview, getting nowhere. 

All that time of being unemployed, my dream job ‘vision’ never changed. I wanted a full time job in Lyon, in a sky rise, in Event Planning. I wanted friendly and young coworkers, a dynamic work place, flexible hours, the whole package. 

2. Money

Being unemployed and having debt on my apartment that I had bought and renovated was crumbling on top of me. I was finishing each month in the red of my account, and starting each month with minus however much, so the end to this pit was hard to visualise. The building management company would often call me and announce ‘unforeseen’ charges that they were going to add onto my bill, the phone company would add charges, the government would come asking for more taxes, I was literally drowning. I would go weeks with an empty fridge, or stick to a cheap food fixation like fruit to keep me by. 

I was dreaming of getting back to a life where I didn’t have to suffer to eat or go out or get gas. Where I didn’t have to be afraid to open my bank account and see how much money was there. Where I could live debt free and be able to save money. 

3. A healthy relationship

As I laid in bed that New Years Eve, I laid next to the person I loved so so much. That being said, this person was feeding the unhappiness in my life and trying to heal them as I needed to heal myself was breaking me in half. We literally had a fight that same night, and instead of celebrating life and drinking champagne, we laid back to back in silence. I had to make the hard choice between her or me. ‘We could have had a healthy relationship together though’, you may be wondering. The hole was dug too deep at that point and I don’t think we would have been able to forgive each other for some things while also pulling each other out of that pit we found ourselves in. We had one last big fight before we completely called it quits, and we ultimately left the relationship on a bad, yet passionate note. Which could well define the relationship we had. Before she left, in one last bitter emotion, I lied and told her I had already moved on and was with a Portuguese girl. I have no idea where that idea came from, but I was so mad at her, I had to say something, anything, to get her off my back. 

At this point I didn’t intend to get back out there after this relationship, but as one of my best friends watched me suffer those ten months, she insisted we get back online ‘just to see whats out there’. So I went ahead and imagined my next partner. I knew that in my next person, I wanted someone who would just get me. Someone whose love language was acts of service, someone who had passions and hobbies and interests outside of ‘us’, someone who liked to cook and work, someone who was kind and happy. I was hoping to meet someone who would just get it. An effortless relationship that would just work. 

As you can see, I was looking for day vs night of the current situation I had had. At that point, I was spending hours on my phone, looking for how to achieve all of this through manifestation or even witchcraft (white magic, chill out). And I came up with the plan : 

Ways to achieve this version of myself : 

1. Paranoia / Pronoia

Paranoia is the belief that everything is against you. You believe everything is working out of your favour, that nothing is going in your direction. Pronoia, on the other hand, is the complete opposite. Pronoia describes a state of mind where you believe that the world around you conspires to do you good. Everything works for you, the universe goes in your direction, everyone loves you, everything works in your favour, no matter what. The goal was to sing this song to myself every second of everyday until I saw results. 

2. Lucky Girl Syndrome 

I saw this trend on Tiktok, but it’s a work you have to put in. Lucky Girl Syndrome is a craze where if you tell the universe how fortunate you are, you will eventually start to be fortunate. For it to work, you have to constantly be in ‘gratitude mode’. You get outside and the weather is nice? ‘Thank you universe, I am SO lucky to be outside with this beautiful sun’. You make it to work on time? ‘Thank you, Universe, I am SO lucky to be on time with no traffic’. ANYTHING that happens, you share your gratitude. Express how lucky you are to have these experiences, to be alive, to have fresh food, etc. 

3. General manifestation

Between the Pronoia and LGS, I was pretty set. But I didn’t take chances. I cleansed myself and my home with sage, I was doing rituals on full moons, making moon water, burning green candles to manifest money, cleansing my door frames with cinnamon, wearing stones on my person at all times, sleeping on my wishes to the universe, meditating. It was a whole thing. It was kind of self-love rituals as well? When the full moon would roll around, I would dedicate the evening to staying out of the chaos outside, and focused on pulling that energy inwards. I would take a bath, express my gratitude to the Universe, meditate on my feelings and wishes, I would move around in my space while drinking some red wine. It was more of a ritual for myself than it was for whatever witchcraft I was doing. 

Did it work? 

As of January 1st, the delusion started. I was repeating my matras nonstop, I was telling everyone about my plan, I was practicing all of this every night, and the timeline started to start. 

January 9th I started my dream job, in a sky rise in Lyon, in an event company, with a young and dynamic team. My boss even spoke my native tongue with me. The interview process was quick, and I started maybe a week later. I didn’t even apply for the position, they found my resume from a different random position I applied for but didn’t qualify. Every morning I would arrive at the office with a smile on my face. I would look up at the sky rise and express my gratitude before making my way up in the elevator. The office had free breakfast every day of the work in the penthouse, and the coffee was free flowing and at our disposal. The team I worked in was accepting and open minded, and I have now the best memories of a work place with them. 

February 27th a girl asked me to be her girlfriend. She was a loving and kind girl living in Switzerland, only a short three hour drive from my place. She played guitar and sang and danced professionally, she loved to cook and made me intricate dishes every time I saw her, and she got pleasure in seeing me eat. We met on Instagram and we would spend weekends together in her calm village, going on hikes and enjoying each others company. She even spoke my native tongue as well, and oddly enough… she was Brazilian with Portuguese as her second nationality. We are now married. 

In August of that year, I sold my apartment for double the value I paid for, paying off all my debts. That money allowed me to leave my job contract in October and move all my things to Switzerland while we planned out our next steps. We spent the rest of 2023 hosting my family from the States and travelling around with our friends. 

It is now August 2024, and since my manifestation started, I got my Masters degree, I travelled to over eight countries, seeing more than five states in Brazil and five states in the United States of America. We saw two of the World Wonders and the capitals of almost all of the countries we visited. We are now moving to a country in Europe better suited for us, as France continued to prove to be toxic for me. As I before mentioned, I am now married to the Brazilian and we honeymooned and spent her birthday in New York City. I am physically and mentally healthy, and I have not a drop of fear for what the future holds. 

I must admit there are nights where I lay awake and wonder what my life would have been like today if I didn’t make all these changes. If I would still be unhappy or if I would have figured it out, if I would still be in that apartment, if I would have moved on… Just everything and everyone that I have left behind. 

My mantras have of course stopped since then, I don’t have time for my rituals and I don’t feel the need to scream at the top of my lungs to the universe how I feel, but I look back on the different love letters to the Universe that I used to sleep on, and every single wish has come into play. One thing that does continue is my expression of gratitude, as I have learned that the Law of Attraction is so effective, and I truly am so grateful for the life I was able to find for myself. 

Here are my tips if you decide to try it yourself :

1. Change means sacrifice. You WILL have to remove the negative from your life to find the positive, and you need to consider if the sacrifice is worth the change, and actually do it. It will hurt. 

2. Thoughts create reality. Even if you’re telling yourself you’re practicing manifestation, if you don’t force yourself to think it CONSTANTLY, you won’t get anywhere. 

3. Actions speak even louder, you have to actively look for what you want to see. Shift your perspective, and if something presents itself in front of you, take it. Accept it, and thank the Universe for whatever it was. You can’t just sit and hope things will happen, you will have to work for it and not look back. I tried to look back once, I almost backed out of selling my apartment, and a man attacked me in front of my home the next day. The Universe will put you in check. Listen. 

4. Avoid looking too much behind you, and focus more on pushing forward. The more you reflect backwards, the more the Universe will be like ‘You sure? brb.’ and pull you back. Show you what you’re leaving. Be careful. 

5. Find what works for you. You obviously can’t change yourself in one night, and if Pronoia sounds insane to you, find something else. You can’t force yourself to believe something that isn’t your true self.

6. Religion is what you believe in, and can be brought down to the same God. If you don’t like ‘Universe’, thank your own God. They all understand. 

I hope you find your true self, if that is what you came looking for. <3 

All my love.